ITS MY LIFE (Commentary)
by xXCoCaGirlXx
Summary: Wanna read a story about a horrible Mary-Sue whose in the amazing game Portal? No you wouldn't, but considering I'll be bashing it up for the next 18 chapters I hope you'll give it a try! Rate T for language.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi guys! **

**I know, goddammit me for doing more shit. However, this is going to be a commentary of a Portal fanfic that I've seen before and has been deleted by the original author. **

**I've seen commentaries for My Immortal, the infamous fanfic that has ever been written. But I didn't want to do _another_ one. Its already been done hundreds of times and I wanted to do something else. I really hope you guys will enjoy this and with this I'll probably start getting back into writing my other stories. **

**One again my stories are _not _discontinued so don't worry, I already have some of Simple and Clean Chapter 4 written and You're The One Chapter 2 written as well. **

**I also don't any rights to this fanfic at all, I just want to commentate and rewrite (you know for spelling, punctuation if it gets _really _bad) this story to get a few laughs out of all of ya. **

**So without any further adieu lets get on with the story!**

AN: Hi guyz this is my first story its what I think happens iin Portla 3!

ITS MY LIFE

CHAPTER 1 RETURN TO PORTAL AN A SUPER HUGE SUPRISE!

_**(All right then. Just by the authors note and the title I can already tell I'm going to regret this...)**_

Hi my name ish _**(...ish? o.e)**_ Marissa Roberts and I was doing tests with that other gurl Chell but she escaped _**(Well, I can't really blame her for almost getting killed twice.)**_. Glados had captured me in the science lab places (_**Places? You mean Aperture Science?) **_and made me do bad tests _**(No kidding. I didn't know tests that could potentially kill you were bad. *Eye roll*)**_ There was no thing fun bout _**(...At first I thought she was just illiterate with the "no thing fun" and then I realized she just put a space there for no reason. Not even five minutes into this commentary and I'm already becoming brain dead from the stupidity.)**_ thetests an Glaods (_**(GLaDOS)**_ would never let me sleep or eat or bathroom or any thing. _**(xD Okay "would never let me sleep or eat or bathroom or any thing" made me laugh my fucking ass off. Thats just great.)**_

"FOR THE NEXT TEST YUO WILL WORK WITH ROBOTS!" Glados screemed to me. _**(xD Oh my god. I fucking love this GlaDOS for just screaming at Marissa.)**_ Some robots came out of weird tubes and looked at me and I looked at them. The robos _**(They're spelled **_**Robots, **_**sweetheart) **_were one a blue ball an the other was a orange line thing.

"THERE _**(Their)**_ NAMES ARE ALTAS AN P-BOY _**(Oh dear god, I can already tell where this is going...) **_NOW LEAF ME ALONE IM SAD." Then Glados started to listen to some Avril Lavinge _**(She **_**almost **_**got Lavigne right, but good try.) **_music and cry. Ever sinse she realized she was a humon _**(...Humon xD) **_ before she became a goth emo and was always gettin on my nerves. (_**I...I can't form any words. GlaDOS what did she do to you? And Avril Lavigne? Thats just even worse.)**_

"Hi b**** we are here to test you." _**(Fucking knew it.)**_ Atlas shrugged (GET IT IT'S A MOVIE!). _**(...I just had to look up the novel Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand to figure out what the fuck she was saying. I was concerned that this person knew something that I didn't.) **_I was shocked at the bad words and glared to Altas _**(-_-)**_. P-Bod was just starin' at my bobs so I kicked him his robot place _**(I know right? I hate it when robots stare at my bobs too.)**_. That made him angry so he shot a portal at me and made me fall into it over and over and P-Boy and Altas were lolling at me. Altas took out some drugs and he an P-Boy STARTED TO SMOKE _them__** (The **_**horror**_**!)**__._ I was fedup with all of portal labs and jumped from teh portals _**(Wait. Before the portals were making you go in a loop and you decided it would be a good idea to jump back into them **_**willingly? **_**Why!?)**_. I ladled onto my lung fall boots and glared mean at Altas and P-Boy. _**(ITS YOUR FUCKING FAULT BECAUSE YOU JUMPED BACK INTO THEM! DON'T BLAME THEM FOR YOU BEING AN IDIOT! Also, you "ladled onto [your] lung fall boots?" WHAT!? What words are you trying to write woman?!)**_

I was soooooooo mad at those jerks for portalling me an calling me a b**** (AN not even gonna say that word LOL) _**(I kind of got that considering the first time you mentioned the word you used asterisks to bleep it out, dumb ass) **_ so I portaled them too and I saw how they like it they did ant _**(Who is Ant? Why are the robots doing Ant!?)**_.

Altas angered at me _**(He was ANGERED at you?! The fuck does that even mean!?) **_an P-Boy said "You broked are drugs now you will pay!" _**(...)**_ Ann he punched me right in the face! _**(Hell yeah!) **_ I started cryin from the pain and those jerks just lolled at me an tried to beat me up some more with there portal gunz. _**(Never mind, I like Atlas and P-Boy. xD)**_

Sereal ours _**(Way to mess up the words "several" and "hours".) **_later I was cryin in a pool of blood while THOSE JERK ROBTS _**(ROBOTS! ITS NOT THAT GODDAMN HARD TO SPELL!)**_ did more drugs and drank beer an past out _**(If they were beating on you for "sereal ours", as you put it, wouldn't you be dead by now? -_-)**_. All I wanted was my companion coob _**(You can't even spell "cube" right? How old are you!?) **_to comfort me but Glados was makin it do other tests an we didn't see eachother in moths _**(Why would the Companion Cube be doing tests by itself? o.0 And moths?)**_. But most off all I wanted Wheetly _**(Wheatley.)**_. He was the only nice robot I ever met an he had a super sexay British aksent_** (No.)**_, but Glados body turned him evil an he got shot in space by Chell. I rubbed my stomach _**(NO.)**_ and rembered my secret. Noone knows this, but Wheetly an I shared one secret night together _**(I swear to fucking god if you so much as do what I think you're doing I will cut a child!)**_ an now I could tell I was pregnant with his robot ball/human baby.

_**(...FUCKING REALLY!? HOW DOES THIS EVEN WORK!? HE'S A ROBOT! HE CAN'T GET YOU PREGNANT! HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A DICK!)**_

_**(YOU KNOW WHAT?! I HOPE THAT DAMN ROBOTBALL/HUMAN BABY KILLS YOU WHEN ITS BORN!) **_

There was a window above me an I looked out an saw the moon where Wheetly was. I missed him so much like a guy I missed a bunch _**(Like a guy you missed a bunch? What? That doesn't make sense! You also already established the fact that you missed him, why the fuck did you need to try to use a simile for that?!)**_. Tears droped down my face so Altas an P=boy started lolling at me again an calling me names like "Fat Uguly B****!" _**(They're my favorite characters. They make me happy . I don't even care that they were suppose to be knocked out from alcohol which can't do shit to make them drunk. XD)**_ I stared rite at their lauffin' feces _**(Oh god.) **_and said my first words!

"OMFG YOU GUYZ ARE SOOOOOOO RUDE I HATE YOU!"_**(YEAH DON'T BE MEAN TO THE PREGNANT ROBOT FUCKER! SHE'S A RESPETABLE LADY!)**_ An I ranned off holdin my portol gun in one hand an holding nothing in my other hand because it was empty. My hare was streaming behind me _**(Why is there a rabbit streaming behind her? o.0)**_ an all the robots were saying how pretty an hot I was _**(Someone kill me.)**_ so I yelled at them too an said a lot of cusses so they stopped yellin at me. "Why cant I jus be a normal girl going to high school an have a boyfriend that isn't space lost!" _**(Poor Wheatley being space lost. ...xD)**_I cried an hugged the place were the baby was going to be was.

There was a strange noise coming from the necks room _**(Ok. I don't want to know whats in the necks room. o.o) **_and I looked in a saw…. Glados was cutting herself! _**(o_0) **_"CHELL IM SOOOOOO SORRY I NEVER TOLD YOU YOR SISTER'S NAME IS REALLY MARISSA ROBERTS AN SHE HAVE SPESHUL POWERS AN CAN SAVE THE WORLD IF SHE BELEEVES!" Then robot blood started goin everwhere and I realized that….. Glados had sewisided!111!1!

_**(o.e AFTER ALL THAT ALL YOU CAN THINK IS THAT GlaDOS IS FUCKING SUICIDAL -WHICH I BELIEVE IS WHAT YOU MEAN TO SAY-!? HATE! ALL OF MY HATE!)**_

THAT WAS A HOLE LOT OF TWISTS, IF I GET SOME GOOD REVIEWS ILL MAKE MORE CHAPTERS MAYBE WHEETLY WILL COME BACK AN IS GLADOS REALLY SEWISEDED? FIND OUT NECKS TIME!

_**(And after getting good ones -or getting good ones from herself seems more accurate- she went on to make 17 more chapters. Yay. -_-)**_


	2. Chapter 2

AN Ok to all the flamerz here I unnerstand why you don't like chapter 1 it's the inductory chapter so there wasn't much good stuff. But heres were the action picks up!

_**(Yaay...)**_

ITS MY LIFE

CHapter 2 GLADOS, SEWISEDED?

Glaods was dead an I was Chell's sister! _**(Oh, now you understand the fucking situation!)**_ I o-mouthed _**(Um...you what? o.0)**_ at the shock from all the revelation if only Glados hadn't sewiseded _**(How do you get "sewiseded" from suicidal? o.0)**_ maybe she could give me the down lo _**(That just made me hate her character more.)**_. But I did no two things 1 I had to find Chell an tell her the big newds _**(Chell does not want to see the big newds ya fucking pervert!) **_an 2 what happed to Wheetly I had to fin doubt _**(Wait , what!? What happened to Wheatley?! You know he's fucking space lost already!)**_. Juts then Atals an P-Boy came in teh room lookin even madder than befour.

"Your gonna pay now you dumb b****!" Shotted _**(Ha. Shotted.) **_P-Boy while Altas lolled an wrote mean things on my facebook LIKE A SERTAN OTHER SOMEONE!_** (What "sertan other someone"!? Who the fuck are you talking about!? What the hell is happening here?!) **_ I held one hand tite to my portal gun an got ready to fight them when a strange feelin came over me _**(Oh god. Here we go.)**_. It was all matrixy an slow-mo but also like electric I could see all the sparks an wires an things in the robots.

"POWER OAF!"_**(...)**_ I yelled for some reson I didn't no why an the two robots went dead _**(NOOOOOOOOO. THEY GAVE ME HOPE FOR THIS FANFICITON! DAMN YOU MARISSA ROBERTS!)**_. Electic lightening came thru my skin an eyes an mouth an everywhere but I was not shocked _**(What?! How would you not be shocked!? Electricity is fucking shooting out of your MOUTH, EYES AND SKIN!)**_. Some of teh bolts hitted Glados an she became alife a gain! _**(...Sure, why the fuck not.)**_

"YOU STOPED MY SEWISED MARISSA ROBERTS THAT WAS NOT NISE!" Glados angered loud _**(WOOH! At least I still have GlaDOS to make up for Atlas and P-Boy! :D) **_ an started cutting herself to make a new dead _**(NO! Do **_**not **_**make an new dead!)**_. I just locked at me hands where little lighting bolts was still happening an thot "What is goin on!" _**(*Raises hand* I would also like to know!) **_

Gladoss aw the sparks an o-mouthed. "YUR POWERS THEY ARE MANIFASTING YOU MUST FIN DCHELL!"_**(Is Dchell the person that was writing mean things on your facebook?)**_ I was soooo confused an angry for Glados no telling me I had speshul _**(Apparently "speshul" is an euphemism for mentally retarded. Urban dictionary bitch.) **_powers, I coulda used them to solve TESTS _**(Why not use your "speshul" poweres to get you the fuck out of the goddamn company?!)**_. But I did wanted to meet Cheel an let her no were sisters an I have cool robot powers. _**(I bet she'll be **_**delighted**_** to see her **__**dumb ass sister again.)**_

"ILL EXPLANE EVER THING LATER FIRST YOU MUST GET TO CHELL SHE IS IN SPACE LOOKIN FOR WHEETLY!"_**(Why? I love Wheatley and all -not like Marissa mind you- but Chell doesn't really have an obligation to do that at all. Especially when he fucked her sister who apparently has the IQ level of a fetus.)**_ I o-mouthed, Chell new how ot space flight _**(Yes, Chell knows how to space flight.) **_ an was savin Wheetly? I was sooooo happy now but didt no how to go space.

"But how can I space?" _**(Are you being serious with your words or what? I'M FUCKING CONCERNED RIGHT NOW.) **_Glados lolled an sad "YOU HAVE MORE POWERS THAN YOULL EVER NO BUT ONE IS SPACE FLY AND BRETHING!" _**(...I can't. I don't even understand how her brain functioned like this. It hurts.) **_This was sooooooo shocking I thot hard about flyin an suddenly rocks came out of my feet an I started to fly up past the portal labs an into space _**(You have robot powers! Why the fuck would you use rocks!? How do rocks even propel you into space!?)**_. When I got to the moon I looked fro Chell n Wheetly. I STARted (hehe becos its in space where there are stars) _**(...Anyone have a gun I can use?) **_lookin behind asterods an space junk but they wasn't there. Then I rembered, in space noone can here you scream! So I couldn't here them, unless maybe I have another special power! _**(How the fuck does that make ANY logical sense at all!? HOW DOES YOUR MIND WORK WOMAN!? HOW DOES IT WORK?!)**_

I thot hard to try an listen when I heard something it was….. WHEETLY! "You bloody sod stop oh god save the queen!". _**(Now thats just stereotypical.) **_ Chell was there an she was beeting him up an Wheetly was all broken lookin _**(Yes, that does tend to happen if you're getting beaten up.)**_. My heart fell but the sight of my tru love gave me MORE POWER an I flew towars him. _**(...0.e)**_

"Cheel stop hurtin Wheetly!" I begged to her. Chell looked right at me with a lot of hatred an some sad too an said:

"Wheetly went evil an tried to kill me an I bet he tried to kill you too because we're sisters Im sorry I never telled you Marissa." _**(-_-) **_I o-mouthed again at the revelation _**(Use more words! O-mouth isn't even a thing!) **_. Chell new we were sisters the hole time? But Glados sayd she didn't tell her, that was when I realized it was trap. _**(A trap for what!?)**_

"Help me Marrissa this bloody bugger is trying to wank me!" Wheetly pleaded as Chell kept beeting him up. _**(...Chell is trying to **_**wank **_**him? IS EVERYONE TRYING TO FUCK WHEATLEY IN THIS FANFIC!?)**_

"Yur not Chell, yur GLADOS!" _**(I...I don't know. I can't. I just fucking can't.)**_ I screamed an "Chell" got a "Oh S***!" look on her feces _**(An "Oh Shit!" look on her feces. Huh.)**_ . I punched fak Chell in her face an the skin ripped off to show that she was a robot like the Terminator but instead of terminator it was Glados! _**(...)**_ "Why did you trick me?"

"I wanted revenge for you stopping me from sewisding!" Glados robot screemed. Befour I could get MY revenge of Glados Wheetly yelled out real loud! _**(GLaDOS! NO! You're suppose to be awesome, not fucking Sasuke!)**_

"BLOODY HELL IT'S A SODDING ASTEROD HEADED STRATE TOWARDS US!" I looked an saw the Asterod it was bout to hit us when….. _**(Yes, lets make Wheatley sound British by always saying "sod" somewhere in his sentence. -_-)**_

TO BE CONTINUED!

_**(NO-ONE WANTS IT TO BE CONTINUED!)**_

HOW DID I SURVIVE THAT? WHERE ALLS THE POWERS COMING FROM? FIND OUT IN CHAPTER THREE WITH EVVEN MORE INTENSE ACTION!

_**(Ugh.)**_


	3. Chapter 3

To all the flamerz I got a good review so there, pepole like my story an yur just trolls.

The pepole tryin to give consertive criticism tell me what you don't like

_**Thats not what constructive criticism is! You ma'am are dumb**_

or yur as bad as the REAL TROLLS!

ITS MY LIFE

Chapter 3 MEETIN WITH CHELL

The asterood was headin right for us an hit us an it hurt my every place.

_**It hurt your every place? Do you not know how to use words properly? Like, at all? Do you speak like this in real life!? If so you need to get yourself some fucking help or something because this is just getting really ridiculous!**_

Wheetly got alls broken but robot Glados was not close an pushed way into space. "I hope yur bloody powers can help us sodding land!"

_**Again, using "sodding" in every fucking sentence to make him sound "British". THAT IS NOT HOW THIS WORKS YOU DUMB ASS! Also lets not forget that "sodding" didn't even fit in that sentence at all, how the fuck can you "sodding land"!?**_

Wheetly yelled becos he was scared.

_**Why are you scared!? You can't fall in space! There is no gravity!**_

I tried hard an a magic shield came around me an Wheetly so as we started fallin to Earth no thing bad happened.

_**Goddammit!**_

As well falled fast towards Earth I saw Portal Labs comin up front so I braced myself round Wheetly.

_**Yes, because a tiny little orb will be able to do a whole fucking lot as you're falling down to Earth (which doesn't make sense either). **_

We landed with a huge crush to were Atlas an P-BODY (Thanks CONSTRACTIVE CRITISIM GUYS AN NOT TROLLS) were smokin more drugs.

_**But they died! I'm not mad because I like them but fucking hell, can you at least try to bring continuity in here!? **_

The looks on there feces

_**FACES. ITS FACES! HOW CAN YOU GET THAT FUCKING WRONG EVERY TIME!?**_

were classic when ethey saw me back with Wheetly. "What are you doin here this is are turf!" Altas yelled loud at me an punch but my shield broked his hand. "Imposable!"

_**xD Oh god, I can just picture Atlas just flipping the fuck out scream, "IMPOSABLE!"**_

Then I kicked him back an looked to P-Body an glared at him so he pooped robot stuff an ran away.

_**...How **_**dare ****_you make P-Boy shit robot stuff. :0 ...Wait, P-BODY!?_**

Suddenly without warnin a girl jumped from the whole in the seelin I made when I landed. She was wearin a jumpsuit like me an she looked like me but a little less pretty an hot. I new immediately it was Chell.

_**Well, you're a bitch. Chell didn't even do anything and you call her uglier than you. And I don't even fucking know what you look like. ...WHY AM I JUST REALIZING THIS NOW!?**_

Chelllooked at me an smiled an started to dance crazy.

_**...Is this suppose to be funny?**_

"SHAKE IT BAKE IT BOOTY QUAKE IT ROLL IT A ROUND!" Chell sung as her danced an shake butt.

_**I had to look up that fucking song to realize it was from a show called Sym-Bionic Titans and I have never been more disturbed and annoyed in all my life. **_

Wheetly got sad lookin an told me "I forgot to mention she got brane damage an cant solve tests no more that's why Glaods let her go befour."

_**I don't remember that happening at **_**all ****_in Portal 2. _**

I cried some tears at my retorded sister shakin her butt all crazy an stuff like on the Sym-Bionical Titan show. I got out a magum pistol an went up to Chell head to shoot an pet her out of her MISERY (which is also a movie). The gun went off like boom boom boom an Chell falled down with blood from her headhole. "Im sorry my sister." Wheetly was cryin an I started cryin to becos it was a really sad day.

_**I like how she's saying Chell is retarded when she was the one that spelled it as "retorded". And she seriously needs to stop putting in novel/movie titles in her sentences that don't make any fucking sense. Like seriously! What does this bring to the story!? Did she think it would make her sound smart!? I DON'T UNDERSTAND!**_

_**I will admit though that the last two-three sentences had me laughing. "boom boom boom", "headhole" and "it was a really sad day" were fucking amazing. xD**_

After all the tears came out I got up an went to find Glados for revenge. Wheelty couldn't walk so I put him in my jumpsuit an he got real happy "Marrissa yur chests is so big an squishy!" He happied so I got happy too an we went for Glados.

_**I will now rewrite the dialogue and what was after it: **_

"_Marissa your chest is so big and squishy!" Wheatley chirped happily, and because he was happy I couldn't help but feel the same way too. However, I remembered that GLaDOS somehow made my sister retarded without it being previously stated so I went to go look for her._

_**Not my best writing, but when you give me shit like this to work with I can't help it. **_

Glados was listinin to her dumb goth emo music when she saw me an Wheetly come in. "WHAT DO YOU WANT YUO ALREADY STOPED ME FROM SEWISIDING AN STOPED MY REVANGE?"

_**Yes! Screaming GLaDOS is fucking back baby! WOOH!**_

"You put Wheetly in space an made Chell booty quake an tried to kill me to so I will kill you."

_**...xDDD**_

My body started glowin electric an I used my special new fight ability MEGA PAWNCH to punch Glados

_**No kidding! I had no fucking idea what MEGA PAWNCH would do! -_-**_

head off an she died for real this time.

_**I have a feeling GLaDOS will be coming back in the next chapter...**_

Wheetly turned off all the dumb goth emo music with science powers an we were happy. Then I remembered somethig I needed to tell to Wheetly.

"Wheetly you need to no that Im….. pragenant!" Wheetly looked at me with shock an aww. "Marrissa this is good news we can have robot ball/humon baby an live happily ever after for ever now!" I was sooooo happy I hugged Wheetly an we almost made a twin baby right then an there when Atlas an P-Body show up.

_**I am **_**so ****_glad Atlas and P-Body showed up! I did _not _want to go through a lemon scene! ...And you can't fucking make a twin baby! HOW OLD ARE YOU WOMAN!?Also where the hell is P-Boy!? _**

_**I also want to know what pragenant is as well... Tried to search it up to see if there was anything funny, but no such luck. Damn.**_

"Hey b**** were back!" Atlas yelled an took out a guns. [-Body took one of the gun an aim it at me too.

_**YES! KILL HER! ...Wait, whose [-Body? WHAT DID YOU DO TO P-BOY1?**_

I powered up my sheld but something strange happened an I fell over an started brething hard. "Whats wrong with me?" Wheelty got scarred lookin while Atlas an P-Body

_**Where the FUCK is P-Boy!?**_

lolled an got ready to shoot us up. Things was going down bad when some one raised up from behind the two robojerks an hitted them on heads with frying pan! It was… CHELL!

_**B-but! Wha-!? But you shot her and made a headhole! HOW ARE YOU ALIVE CHELL!?**_

"Chell you saved us!" I congradulated her.

"_**Sorry I shot you before, Chell. No hard feelings, right? :D"**_

"Marrissa you made me Left 4 Dead (AN: LOL) you b**** so now get ready to die!" Lookin closer I saw Chell was right, she was a zombee now!

_**...I should have seen that coming. I really should have. Goddammit, this person is just destroying my brain cells without me even fucking noticing!**_

Wheetly made some growls to stop her but Chell didn't care an tried to bite me but accidentally bit Atlas instead so he became a robot zomboy!

_**A...a robot what!? Zomboy!? HE'S A ROBOT HE CAN'T BE TURNED INTO A ZOMBIE! ALSO IF YOU WANTED TO BE A ZOMBIE YOU NEED TO BE BITTEN BY ONE! CHELL WAS NOT! SHE HAS NO PURPOSE BEING A ZOMBIE! YOU ARE A SHIT WRITER!**_

TO BE CONTINUED?

_**NO!**_

IM RUNNING OUT OF IDEAS FOR WHAT MARRISSA CAN DO IN PORTAL LABS I THINK NECKS CHAPTER SHELL GO TO OTHER VALVE GAMES MAYBE IF YOU WANT?

_**ITS MARISSA YOU IDIOT! HOW DO YOU MISSPELL HER NAME LIKE THAT!? I NOTICED IT BEFORE BUT DIDN'T FEEL THE NEED TO WRITE ABOUT IT, BUT YOU JUST KEEP MAKING THE SAME MISTAKE! ALSO DON'T YOU DARE BRING MORE GAMES INTO THIS MESS! YOU ALREADY DESTROYED PORTAL BEYOND REPARE AND I'M AFRAID TO SEE WHAT OTHER DAMAGE YOU'LL DO!**_

_**I'm tired...**_


End file.
